Welcome back! We just explored the IKEA Effect, which shows how we fall in love with things we build ourselves. Today, we’re looking at a psychological quirk that applies to people: the Ben Franklin Effect.
Most of us assume the logic of friendship works like this: We do favors for people we like, and we avoid people we dislike. But the Ben Franklin Effect flips that on its head. It suggests that doing a favor for someone actually makes you like them more.
What Exactly Is the Ben Franklin Effect?
The Ben Franklin Effect is a cognitive bias where a person who has already performed a favor for another is more likely to do another favor for the other than if they had received a favor from that person.
Essentially, when you do something nice for someone, your brain needs to justify the effort. It tells itself: “I’m doing this favor for them, so I must really like them!”
How Ben Franklin Used It
The effect is named after Benjamin Franklin, who famously used this tactic to win over a hostile rival in the Pennsylvania legislature.
Instead of trying to do a favor for the rival to “buy” his friendship, Franklin did the opposite: he asked the rival for a favor. He sent a note asking to borrow a very rare and curious book from the man’s library. The rival, perhaps flattered, sent it immediately. When Franklin returned the book with a warm thank-you note, the rival became incredibly friendly, and they remained friends for life.
Franklin noted: “He that has once done you a kindness will be more ready to do you another than he whom you yourself have obliged.”
Why Does This Happen? (Cognitive Dissonance Again!)
This bias is a classic case of Cognitive Dissonance, which we discussed earlier in this series.
Our brains hate inconsistency. If you do a favor for someone you supposedly “dislike,” it creates a clash:
- The Action: “I am helping this person.”
- The Belief: “I don’t like this person.”
To resolve that uncomfortable tension, your brain changes your belief to match your action: “Actually, they aren’t so bad. I must like them, otherwise, why would I be lending them my favorite book?”
Real-World Impacts
- The Workplace: If you’re struggling to get along with a difficult coworker, asking them for a small piece of advice or a minor favor (like borrowing a stapler) can actually soften their stance toward you.
- Sales and Networking: “Low-stakes” requests are often used to build rapport. A salesperson might ask you for a glass of water or directions. By fulfilling that small request, you subconsciously begin to view the salesperson as someone you “like.”
- First Dates: Asking your date for a small opinion or help with something minor can subconsciously build a sense of investment and “liking” on their part.
How to Use the “Franklin Strategy”
You can use this effect to build better relationships and bridge gaps with people you might be clashing with:
- Start Small: Don’t ask for a huge sacrifice. Ask for something that is easy for them to give, like a recommendation, a book, or a quick tip.
- Be Genuine: The request shouldn’t feel like a manipulation. It should be something you actually need or value.
- Express Sincere Gratitude: The “magic” happens when the favor is completed and acknowledged. Your thanks reinforces their internal narrative that they are a helpful person who likes helping you.
- Don’t Overdo It: If you ask for too many favors, you move from “likable friend” to “burden.” The key is the initial investment of their effort.
The Takeaway
We often think our “feelings” drive our “actions,” but the Ben Franklin Effect proves that the opposite is often true: our actions shape how we feel. If you want someone to like you, don’t just do them a favor—give them the opportunity to do one for you.
